Popular “Download” Night – oooh sounds so millenial

Which is totally better than old crap that I hate night!!!  Or country isn’t there another show for that night!!!  The Idol gods must have liked that offering I made to them because this week the Idols get to pick their songs.  Fuh-INALLY.  Also, it’s coming on the right night.

Anoop – First up – An(ew)p – oh he picked Usher, what a moron.  His voice sounds ok but he’s trying to be all sexy?  or something?  I don’t know, it’s making me feel uncomfortable.

Like, ok, this one time, in college, there was this frat rat and he was cute and all.  Then at a party he came up to me and pulled me to the dance floor and grinded my ass.   Gross!  I didn’t ask for an ass grinding jerk!  Anoop’s little performance is like that, except he’s grinding on my ears and my eyes.  Make it stop!

Noob totally rips him a new one!  Wow!  Love her!

And Paula! So tan!  By the end of this season she’s going to be a new Star Trek race.  hee, she uses the word balladeer then follows it up with complete nonsense.

Simon calls him a “wanna be” (totally true, totally true) and something about a bad frat performance – cut to his frat brothers acting like, well frat boys – which is too say, pretty damn drunk.

Then Anoop does the contestant kiss of death.  He gets pissy.  Don’t. get. pissy.   He’s all ‘I’m an R & B artist and blah blah blah Usher cakes blah blah America blah.”  Anoop.  Shut. tit.  Shutitirightonup.  Because, here’s the thing (to quote Noob) – there are many R & B artists that you could emulate.  Ugly Babyface comes to mind.  You don’t need to bump and wear shoulder chains like Usher because you can’t pull that off.  That’s what the judges were saying and you should have listened.  Lucky for you, Megan is up next.

Megan – So here it is, the song that got Megan booted.  And boy does it suck!  I’m clapping and bouncing on the couch, just enjoying the pure suck.  I like Megan cause she’s cute and she’s a mom but man, she just is not a performer.    Plus, she has no clue how bad she is.  Most contestants will get that worry line on their forehead when they are this bad but not Megan! Her voice sounds like she’s recording a Chipmunks soundtrack.

The amount of necklaces she’s wearing is insane!  Are you fleeing the Titanic or something?

Noob calls her “irritating”.  Daaaammmmn Noob where have you been all this time?

Paula suggest she digs deep – hee hee.  I don’t know why I laugh but it sounds dirty to me.

Then Megan does a series of annoying hand signals and buh bye.  Though I did tear up a little when she got to tell her little girl she was coming home and she seemed really happy about that.  Annnnd -

IDOL RANT INTERLUDE

You know what?  Idol really should take better care of the parents/children on this show.  I know Lil has managed to have her family there for some of it but Michael (kicked off), Alexis (kicked off) and Megan (kicked off) have all talked about the strain of being away from their babies.  Micheal seemed especially sad at having to try to explain to his 3 year old why he couldn’t come home.

And to say nothing of the children.  That 3 year old was seriously hurting.  Now you can make the argument that should these people make a record, land big then touring will take them away.  But – they aren’t big yet, they may never be big and it isn’t just about them but the kids.  Fantasia was a mom and a superstar so Idol should respect it because at the very least they may get a ton of money out of these parents.

Ok, that’s all – stepping down now.

IDOL RANT OVER

oooh tomorrow night they debut the David Cook video!  I’m so there.

Gokey – he picks What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flats.  This song is so stupid.

Yay!  Fan signage – Go Go Gokey.  Meh, pretty cute.  I think Gokey is Hokey is probably more accurate.

The songs is bad I think.  He’s drowned out by the background music and he, like Anoop is wearing chains.  Someone explain chains as accessories to me please.

The judges all love it.  I hate when that happens.  Then Gokey rambles on about the song and connecting and you know what?  Don’t lecture me Gokey.  You’re on American Idol that means you shut up, you wear chains and bad suits and you smile and then I vote for you.

Allison – Don’t Speak – oooooohhhh terrible song choice.  Damn, and I love Allison so much.  But she should have gone with Pink or Toni Braxton.  Am I right?

She sings good of course but it’s just simply the wrong song.  Though I applaud her cosplay hair.  And, unlike the judges, I like the outfit.  It’s got ruffles and is no worse than the chain wear and corset we’ve seen tonight.

This bad choice lands her in the bottom three but the judges make it pretty clear that if this happens again they will save her.  Good.  But senorita?  DON’T let this happen again.

Scott – YAY!  He picks Just the Way you Are and is going to “strip things down”.  mmmmm, strip.  He rocks it tonight.  It’s a lovely song and he’s a lovely singer.  I’m not sure if his voice is strong enough to take him to the finals but I do enjoy it.

His hair is a little stiff and, uh, that chest hair puff can go but overall  – I don’t know, he’s so appealing to me.  Even with his fang teeth.  I just -

I love you Scott.  Have I said that?  On Idol Tonight they asked the contestants what their first concert was and Scott was all, “Amy Grant when I was 6.” But not in an isn’t-that-embarrassing way more like an isn’t-that-fun-and-awesome way.  He’s unabashedly Amy Grant and that’s just so… I don’t know.  I love you Scott!  If I weren’t busy having my husband’s babies I would totally have yours!  I would!

Ok, ahem – judging.

Noob – “I love your new looks”  Uh, is she blind?  (hee).  I miss his old hair.

Paula reminds us all of his “challenge” while pointing out that he’s “challenged”.  Which, really, hasn’t seemed to be a big deal at all.

Matt – You Found Me by the Fray.  The who now? Poor Matt, so desperate, so vulnerable talking about being in the bottom three.  Must not be won over – must resist sympathy pull.

Oh, a keyboard in the audience and a suck song?  That should do it.  He’s mumbly, speak up Matt.  Or don’t cause this song is clearly awful.

The judges rip him.  But he’s not even in the bottom three.  Whatever.

Lil – singing I Surrender by Celine Dion.  Wow.  Interesting choice.

She comes out in some whore makeup – so far, so Celine.  What’s with the dress though?  Is the wardrobe budget in trouble or something?

Do I even need to tell you that her voice sounds powerful and great?  Cause it does.  This is a safe song for her.  Not that that’s a bad thing, especially  at this point.

The judges disagree, telling her to “young it up”.  But there’s such a market for a voice like Lil’s and no, it’s not Generation PepsiNext but who needs those illegal downloaders anyway?

Kris – Ain’t No Sunshine

He sounds good.  Generic – ugh, Idol director stop it with those red lights already.

I don’t have much to say about Kris.  He wiggles in his stool which is weird.  I just don’t see anything original or special in him.  Sorry.

Adam – I missed most of this on account of bath giving but in the playback it looked pretty cool.  I maybe going over to the dark side here.

But if he reapplies one centimeter of black eyeliner, that’s it.