EWWWW AI country week

It was 7:15 before I realized I was missing Idol.  I mean, all the family time dinnery stuff is nice but WTF self???  It’s IDOL!!!  So I ran into the living room and discovered I had only missed one person.  One person.  In 15 minutes.  They really like to drag this out don’t they.

Oh and look, it’s country week.  BOOOOO.  Randy Travis is the guest mentor.  Yuk.  Wow, he’s so skinny and square headed.  Has he always looked like this?

Second up, first for me is

Allison – Yay!  I’m so glad I didn’t miss her.  She’s singing Blame it on Your Heart.  Her voice sounds a little shakey but still pretty awesome.  What I take issue with is – the “look”.  I get that it’s country but damn, there is never EVER  a reason for feathered hair like that.  Let’s also talk for a minute about the dress over the jeans combo.  Ladies.  Dresses and jeans do not belong together.  Maybe hanging in the closet but never on your body.  The dress/jean combo is something a drunk college student wears when they go to the lake.

oooh, Paula is, like, super tan – even tanner than last week.

Kris – singing Garth Brooks.  Blech.  Garth is the worst.  I’m sorry but he is.  I worked as a mascot moose for a country station one year and my ears would literally bleed all day long thanks to Mr. Brooks.

Turns out the only thing worse than Garth is Kris.  Randy is totally flirting with him, calling Kris a Tender Dog.  At least Kris has the good sense to hate that.  He says that he’s glad Kris didn’t “imitate” Garth.

Danny:  Sometimes they don’t and they should.

Word, Danny.  Kris is using the prop chair (boo), is clean shaven (yay), boring (boo) and sounds real pop (boo/yay but in this case boo).

Paula’s tanning must have fried her brain cause she is really on a delayed schedule tonight.  Love it.

Lil – comes out in a pink hankerchief.  Great for giant sneezes, not so much for singing in.  She’s singing Independance Day and Randy comments that she’s got “big pipes on the top”.  Which is country for “boooooooobbs”, I guess.  Ugh, god country.  This dumb song encapsulates everything I hate about the genre – the twang, the “story”, the neverending sobbing – oh that last one was just me.

Lil has a strong voice though and hits an awesome last note.  Go Lil!  The judges aren’t really into it though.  Noob hands out some decent advice but Randy and Paula just babble.  Then comes Simon who calls her “little”.  Then continues to do it.  I’m sorry, I get that Simon is the jerk or whatever but not addressing someone by their proper name is just straight rude.

Adam – ah I see, he and Paula are in a tanning competition.  He looks horrible per usual.  Fingerless gloves, really Adam?  And that jacket.  They show some clip of Randy hating on Adam and being befuddled by the black fingernails.  Randy reveals himself to be either: 1. incredibly sheltered or 2. kind of an ass – I’m guessing a little of both – when he muses that he’s never seen a *gasp* man wearing nail polish.

Adam launches into a bizarre rendition of Ring of Fire.  It’s really just… I don’t know, creepy and weird and he sings it with zero sense of irony.  But he does do some insane stuff with his voice.

Yay!  The Paula Seal Clap.

Randy thinks it’s like 9 Inch Nails doing Ring of Fire and I totally totally disagree.  Simon says it was “indulgent rubbish” and he’s right.

mmmm, Bret Harrison.  The Reaper is on during Idol so I get quick Bret fixes on the commercials.

Scott – YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!  I was worried I missed him.  He sings Wild Angles which…sorry to say…is not a good song for him.  It’s pretty of course but a little flat.  It gets better at the end.

My god, is a stupid jacket a prerequisite for stepping on the Idol stage?  The crowd loves him and I do to.  I love you Scott.

Paula rambles about him needing to connect with the audience and get away from the piano.  Scott is all, “We can move it closer.”  Hahaha.  So cute.  I love you.  I love you Scott.

Alexis – ohhhh, trying Dolly Parton.  Eesh.  Alexis, let’s have a chat.  Girl, you know I like you with your cute daughter and your pink hair.  That hair is a little too poofy tonight but still – you’re cute.  So, Dolly huh?  Well, here’s the thing – you?  are NOT Dolly Parton.  Unless you can pack a combination of anger, self pity and a quiet strength into ONE word then god please do not attempt this song.

Bitch doesn’t listen and screws up Jolene big time.

My lord, what is with contestants pleading their case this year?  This isn’t Survivor.  If you want to stay around, then SING well enough to do it.

Danny – singing Jesus Take the Wheel.  Oh, Jesus.

Another jacket?  Jesus.  He’s cutely nervous but, jesus, do I hate this song.  Het tit.  The awkward rhymes, the story, the use of a grown woman saying “mama and daddy” – I mean, jeeeeeeebus.

hahaha, Fox likes it though.  He claps and goes, “yay!”.

Megan – Randy Travis seems a little doubtful but then gushes about her rendition of Walking After Midnight.  So I’m all stoked but…uh, it’s just kind of dumb.  She’s weird and does nothing to improve on the original.  The crowd loves it cause they too are dumb.

That dress is gorgeous though and her arm tattoo looks cool with it.

Ah, ok, she’s got the flu so we should all be impressed.  I bet the CDC is thrilled.

Matt – sings So Small.  I can’t understand him at all.  They compare him to Michael Buble – again, that’s not a good thing.

Paula is drifting….

So the two I missed (I missed another person while getting Fox ready for bed), I catch in the numbers recap.

Michael – real country

Anoop – seems like he sounded really good

Aaaaannnndd, breath. Country week is OVER!!

Who should go: Adam, Megan or Matt

Who will probably go: Anoop or possibly Lil

Who I want in the finals: Allison and Scott