EWWWW AI country week

It was 7:15 before I realized I was missing Idol.  I mean, all the family time dinnery stuff is nice but WTF self???  It’s IDOL!!!  So I ran into the living room and discovered I had only missed one person.  One person.  In 15 minutes.  They really like to drag this out don’t they.

Oh and look, it’s country week.  BOOOOO.  Randy Travis is the guest mentor.  Yuk.  Wow, he’s so skinny and square headed.  Has he always looked like this?

Second up, first for me is

Allison – Yay!  I’m so glad I didn’t miss her.  She’s singing Blame it on Your Heart.  Her voice sounds a little shakey but still pretty awesome.  What I take issue with is – the “look”.  I get that it’s country but damn, there is never EVER  a reason for feathered hair like that.  Let’s also talk for a minute about the dress over the jeans combo.  Ladies.  Dresses and jeans do not belong together.  Maybe hanging in the closet but never on your body.  The dress/jean combo is something a drunk college student wears when they go to the lake.

oooh, Paula is, like, super tan – even tanner than last week.

Kris – singing Garth Brooks.  Blech.  Garth is the worst.  I’m sorry but he is.  I worked as a mascot moose for a country station one year and my ears would literally bleed all day long thanks to Mr. Brooks.

Turns out the only thing worse than Garth is Kris.  Randy is totally flirting with him, calling Kris a Tender Dog.  At least Kris has the good sense to hate that.  He says that he’s glad Kris didn’t “imitate” Garth.

Danny:  Sometimes they don’t and they should.

Word, Danny.  Kris is using the prop chair (boo), is clean shaven (yay), boring (boo) and sounds real pop (boo/yay but in this case boo).

Paula’s tanning must have fried her brain cause she is really on a delayed schedule tonight.  Love it.

Lil – comes out in a pink hankerchief.  Great for giant sneezes, not so much for singing in.  She’s singing Independance Day and Randy comments that she’s got “big pipes on the top”.  Which is country for “boooooooobbs”, I guess.  Ugh, god country.  This dumb song encapsulates everything I hate about the genre – the twang, the “story”, the neverending sobbing – oh that last one was just me.

Lil has a strong voice though and hits an awesome last note.  Go Lil!  The judges aren’t really into it though.  Noob hands out some decent advice but Randy and Paula just babble.  Then comes Simon who calls her “little”.  Then continues to do it.  I’m sorry, I get that Simon is the jerk or whatever but not addressing someone by their proper name is just straight rude.

Adam – ah I see, he and Paula are in a tanning competition.  He looks horrible per usual.  Fingerless gloves, really Adam?  And that jacket.  They show some clip of Randy hating on Adam and being befuddled by the black fingernails.  Randy reveals himself to be either: 1. incredibly sheltered or 2. kind of an ass – I’m guessing a little of both – when he muses that he’s never seen a *gasp* man wearing nail polish.

Adam launches into a bizarre rendition of Ring of Fire.  It’s really just… I don’t know, creepy and weird and he sings it with zero sense of irony.  But he does do some insane stuff with his voice.

Yay!  The Paula Seal Clap.

Randy thinks it’s like 9 Inch Nails doing Ring of Fire and I totally totally disagree.  Simon says it was “indulgent rubbish” and he’s right.

mmmm, Bret Harrison.  The Reaper is on during Idol so I get quick Bret fixes on the commercials.

Scott – YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!  I was worried I missed him.  He sings Wild Angles which…sorry to say…is not a good song for him.  It’s pretty of course but a little flat.  It gets better at the end.

My god, is a stupid jacket a prerequisite for stepping on the Idol stage?  The crowd loves him and I do to.  I love you Scott.

Paula rambles about him needing to connect with the audience and get away from the piano.  Scott is all, “We can move it closer.”  Hahaha.  So cute.  I love you.  I love you Scott.

Alexis – ohhhh, trying Dolly Parton.  Eesh.  Alexis, let’s have a chat.  Girl, you know I like you with your cute daughter and your pink hair.  That hair is a little too poofy tonight but still – you’re cute.  So, Dolly huh?  Well, here’s the thing – you?  are NOT Dolly Parton.  Unless you can pack a combination of anger, self pity and a quiet strength into ONE word then god please do not attempt this song.

Bitch doesn’t listen and screws up Jolene big time.

My lord, what is with contestants pleading their case this year?  This isn’t Survivor.  If you want to stay around, then SING well enough to do it.

Danny – singing Jesus Take the Wheel.  Oh, Jesus.

Another jacket?  Jesus.  He’s cutely nervous but, jesus, do I hate this song.  Het tit.  The awkward rhymes, the story, the use of a grown woman saying “mama and daddy” – I mean, jeeeeeeebus.

hahaha, Fox likes it though.  He claps and goes, “yay!”.

Megan – Randy Travis seems a little doubtful but then gushes about her rendition of Walking After Midnight.  So I’m all stoked but…uh, it’s just kind of dumb.  She’s weird and does nothing to improve on the original.  The crowd loves it cause they too are dumb.

That dress is gorgeous though and her arm tattoo looks cool with it.

Ah, ok, she’s got the flu so we should all be impressed.  I bet the CDC is thrilled.

Matt – sings So Small.  I can’t understand him at all.  They compare him to Michael Buble – again, that’s not a good thing.

Paula is drifting….

So the two I missed (I missed another person while getting Fox ready for bed), I catch in the numbers recap.

Michael – real country

Anoop – seems like he sounded really good

Aaaaannnndd, breath. Country week is OVER!!

Who should go: Adam, Megan or Matt

Who will probably go: Anoop or possibly Lil

Who I want in the finals: Allison and Scott

American Idol = my salvation

So since I blogged last we *sob* downgraded to antenna.  Horrors!  Well, turns out it was too awful for words and we upgraded to basic cable – still sobbing.  All of this included stupid fees and annoying phone calls leading me to believe that Cox Cable is an good name for that company.

Hate. them. so. much.

Not that there’s anything to watch on tv.  I would watch Burn Notice (yummmmy) but also, USA is not basic cable even though it should be by god!  *shakes fist at sky*

Lost is just dull.  Fringe should be good but isn’t.  I’m ok with the Office but it’s only half an hour…so what else is there?  Oh, right Heroes but meh.

Until this moment I’ve been keeping alive on the meager offerings of Friday Night Lights – don’t go Jason Street!! Lylah will be insufferable without you!!

But now Idol has gotten through the hellacious Hollywood rounds and the boring narrowing down the field rounds and we are here with the top 13.  13?  Ugh.

Anyway, the lights come up and the judges appear!!!  Except without all the extra exclamation points cause it was not that exciting.  Randy looks like himself only in pleather.  Then there’s the new lady, wrapped up like a present.  I hope it’s worth it.  I don’t even know who she is so I’ll just call her Noob.  Here comes Paula!  Hooray, she’s shown up with a slaughtered bird of paradise perched on her shoulder.  Simon.

Our flight attendant host for this two hour ratings booster is, as always, Ryan Seacrest.  Let me get this out there right now.  I think that Ryan does a good job.  He’s a good host.  I like him.

Paula is waaaayy to sober.

There’s some prerequisit blabbering blah blah blah cakes.  It’s Michael Jackson week – I would say yay but it doesn’t really turn out like I hoped.  I didn’t realize that along with Bad and Billie Jean – MJ also wrote/sung/produced a bunch of crap.

Then we get to meet our first contestant as they visit home states!  I wonder when the economy will get bad enough that instead of visiting the contenstants at their home, they’ll just flash a baby picture and be done with it.

Lil Rounds – no that’s really her name.  They show her adorable little family and supportive husband and I’m loving them all until they start on about “the dream”.  Zzzzzzz.  I long for the days of Jason Castro who had no brain cells much less a “dream”.

She sings “The Way you Make me Feel” and it’s pretty good.  She’s got a rich voice, strong sound.  It almost makes me forgive her super high, unflattering white pants and that shirt that someone barfed cotton candy all over.

The judges are polite but not super impressed.  Paula applauds Lil’s fashion sense…so maybe she IS high?!?

Blind Scott – in case you haven’t figured it out already.  Scott is my favorite.  Oh, and he’s blind.  In case you didn’t know, he is.  Blind, I mean.  Let’s go visit his family and hear how they talk about him being blind.  blind blind blind.  His sister?  Also blind and the parents seemed honestly befuddled at how that happened but why after all this time?  Oh dream talk.

Scott and his hair are seated at a piano.  Which he plays beautifully and is kind of why I love him, along with his big (blind) eyes and his weird smile that makes me want to climb up on his piano and peer over the edge and  – ok, enough, I’m sorry!

My love dims slightly when he sings some song I’ve never heard of.  GOD DAMMIT DO NOT SING OBSCURE SONGS!!!  He sounds good and appears to be wearing an army jacket or something?  I don’t know, in that light I can barely see him – irony!

Danny:  He sounds like Ben Folds.  Totally, Ben Folds.

Is that a good thing?

Judges love it but Simon tells him not to sing songs no one knows, even if you want to be ‘artistic’.  Preach it.

Danny Gokey – totally as dorky as his name sounds.  His family is all about singing and he goofs off.  Cute, I guess? He sings P.Y.T. – the world’s creepiest MJ song.

It’s high energy and he’s pretty adorable but I don’t know…kind of sucky.  Of course, the judges love him.  Next!

Michael Sarver – he’s an oil rigger with…wait for it…a dream.  I know.  It’s all so so incredibly boring even though he’s kind of witty.  He sings “You are Not Alone”  baaaarrrrrfffff.  Can anyone hear this song without thinking of the video?

Boring. I think he’s on the line to go home.

Jasmine Murray – oooh, pretty shirt/dress thing!  Her family is just normal even her stage mom.  Pity.

She sings “I’ll be There” – if I had anything left to barf I would.  But I wasted it all on Michael.  Thankfully she does not suck.  Her voice is pretty and light if a little warbly.  She’s no finalist but she’ll stick around for a few weeks.  YES, Randy we all know you know Mariah Carey – god, that’s not necessarily something to be bragging about.

Kris Allen – hmm, shares a first name with a certain North Pole resident.  He’s the “hot” one but I don’t think he’s really that hot.  I miss his home visit cause I was parenting, sorry.

He sings “Do you Remember the Time”.   He sounds ok, the guitar adds nothing but at judging it’s revealed that he is a good guy.  Oh, ok.

Alison Iraheta – grew up singing in a giant spanish-speaking department store and something in that made her awesome!  Her hair, I want it on my head.  I also want her alto voice, it’s all throaty and low and she completely rips apart “Give in to Me” in a good way.  Yes!

Judges agree.

Anoop Desai – I missed him on account of toddler, but in the voting number replay I see he sang “Beat It”.  Good choice but nothing strikes me as particularily memorable.

Jorge Nunez – he’s from Puerto Rico and wants to bring his family together, aw.  He sings “Never Can Say Goodbye”.  It’s a fairly passable MJ impression but I don’t hear Jorge’s own sound coming through.  I hope he stays cause I think he’s got more in him.

The judges think it was the wrong song choice.

Megan Corkey – she’s mom too and she misses her baby!  Wah!  She’s so relatable!!  Sniff.

Then she opens her mouth to sing “Rockin Robin”.  Seriously?  Someone actually chose this song?  Ugh, sympathy over.  It’s weird, weird, weird.  Very awkward and not a good sound.  Simon chalks it up to being the wrong song, I chalk it up to sucking but being cute so she’ll probably get another chance.

EWWWWW, who let Pete Wentz into the building??? Oh wait, it’s just Adam Lambert, our next greasy ass contestant.  I wonder if Trent Reznor ever regrets cutting his hair like that – seriously, that do has become the goth man’s Rachel.  Adam has been in Hollywood for five years and not gotten a record deal.  SHOCKING!

He’s singing “Black and White” a brave choice.  I begin to have video flashbacks.  So remember around the time this Black and White video came out Aerosmith put out the Livin’ on the Edge video?  With Eddie Furlong?  Oh my god, and it was so awesome.  And Eddie and his fat friend steal a car and they crash it and then they jump around like they won the superbowl and then they come to my house and the friend plays nintendo while Eddie takes his shirt off – remember how cool that was?

Oh, song over.  The judges really like him, even going so far as to wonder why he hasn’t been snatched up.   Boo.

Matt Giraud – he’s got a weepy dad.  He’s singing “Human Nature”, lame.  Sigh.  This guy is a poor man’s Justin Timberlake and no, that’s not a good thing.

Alexis Grace – another mommy.  Wow, Fantasia really opened the door for parents didn’t she?  You didn’t see any parents (or if they were they didn’t talk about it) before Fantasia proudly showed off her cute daughter and her single mommy skills.  I like it.  Hee, she teaches her daughter to say “Seacrest. Out.”

She sings “Dirty Dinah” and I’m there with her.  Her voice is soulful and she throws herself into the song.  But at the end she’s got this smug look and I agree with the judge, probably Simon who said, “It wasn’t as good as you thought it was.”

But, it was good.

Yay!  Tomorrow group sing!!!